I guess it's time to let you in to the writing that has been happening...
I wish for you to find love
The kind of love that we had
yet I hope this time
It stops you in your tracks
Breaking every bone in your body
Has it difficult for you to inhale
That your knees hit the ground
Believing in God again
Throwing your hands up in gratitude
As you weep.
I’m here to tell you I can’t keep waiting
My wall that I wait behind for you
Has become weak
Filled with rust, mold and pain
Sitting behind it tired and lonesome
As I poke holes through it,
Having hope that it will break
by "an accident."
I have yearned. screamed. weeped. fought.
chased. dreamed. written.
lied. hated. cursed. prayed for you.
Still, you continue to fade to dust
My lips barely remember what yours taste like
My sheets have lost your scent
My skin doesn’t quite remember yours
Nor what it feels like to be held in your arms.
My eyes have stopped searching for you
At corners, park benches, bodega’s and liquor stores.
My ears forget the sound of your voice,
The way you whisper and how you read poetry to me.
Seems all of my senses have dimmed
Cutting them off from their wonder.
The artist in me with the muse being you
is heart broken
I found myself starting to freeze
Right before it was too late,
When i saw frost
on the tips of my four chambers
I tore at my heart strings
Ripped them apart
Gasping for air.
Throwing myself into the fire
Sparks turned to flames
Burning the dead ends
That used to lead to you.
And as the ashes stop to smoke
I see all the space I held for you
An empty plane that is sore and wounded.
With fresh cut weeds,
I weep and bled the remainder of you.
As my tears start to dry
Seems as if they watered what's true
I find the giant within me waking up
Salivating for the adventure my heart aches for.
For the scars, the fucks, the fights.
To feeling alive and to the dead.
To the hearts that have stopped beating
To the moments I see all of them in another
For the whiplash of in-between Worlds I've been granted
To choosing life and love.
Cheers to the humility to wonder again
To the fear to love again
Cheers to you.
My darling, it is time, for me to let go.
For me to burn what’s no longer true
To let someone in
To love again.
I am taking out that part of my heart,
where your ashes lay
Offered them to the gods and goddesses
As something that was once pure.
Here I lay, our burned hearts
still torched with the gold of sacred
Bleeding true and forever
Of what our meaning of life is.
This is my au revouir
to the muse who had me believe
in this thing called love.