Dear....

I guess it's time to let you in to the writing that has been happening... 

*holds breath*


I wish for you to find love

The kind of love that we had

yet I hope this time 

It stops you in your tracks

Breaking every bone in your body

Has it difficult for you to inhale

So humbled

That your knees hit the ground

Believing in God again

Throwing your hands up in gratitude 

As you weep. 

 

I’m here to tell you I can’t keep waiting

My wall that I wait behind for you 

Has become weak

Filled with rust, mold and pain

Sitting behind it tired and lonesome

As I poke holes through it, 

Having hope that it will break 

by "an accident."

 

I have yearned. screamed. weeped. fought. 

chased. dreamed. written. 

lied. hated. cursed. prayed for you. 

Still, you continue to fade to dust

My lips barely remember what yours taste like

My sheets have lost your scent

My skin doesn’t quite remember yours

Nor what it feels like to be held in your arms. 

My eyes have stopped searching for you 

At corners, park benches, bodega’s and liquor stores. 

My ears forget the sound of your voice, 

The way you whisper and how you read poetry to me.

Seems all of my senses have dimmed

Cutting them off from their wonder. 

The artist in me with the muse being you 

is heart broken

 

I found myself starting to freeze

Right before it was too late, 

When i saw frost 

on the tips of my four chambers

I tore at my heart strings

Ripped them apart

Gasping for air. 

Throwing myself into the fire

Sparks turned to flames

Burning the dead ends

That used to lead to you. 

 

And as the ashes stop to smoke

I see all the space I held for you

An empty plane that is sore and wounded.

With fresh cut weeds, 

I weep and bled the remainder of you.

 

As my tears start to dry

Seems as if they watered what's true

I find the giant within me waking up

Salivating for the adventure my heart aches for. 

 

So, cheers…

For the scars, the fucks, the fights. 

To feeling alive and to the dead. 

To the hearts that have stopped beating

To the moments I see all of them in another

For the whiplash of in-between Worlds I've been granted 

To choosing life and love.

Cheers to the humility to wonder again

To the fear to love again

Cheers to you.  

 

My darling, it is time, for me to let go. 

For me to burn what’s no longer true

To let someone in

To love again. 

I am taking out that part of my heart, 

where your ashes lay

Offered them to the gods and goddesses

As something that was once pure. 

 

Here I lay, our burned hearts

still torched with the gold of sacred

Bleeding true and forever 

Of what our meaning of life is. 

This is my au revouir

to the muse who had me believe

in this thing called love. 

 

*exhales*

 

Chasing light,